Listening

Listening is a five element process. First there is hearing. Hearing is a physiological dimension to listening. It is the process of the sound waves striking the ear at a certain frequency and loudness. This can be influences by many factors external noises or a loss of hearing. Next is attending. Attending is the psychological dimension to listening. Here we are mentally filtering out messages focusing on some and not on others. After attending comes understanding. This is a very important element. Understanding is when we make sense of the message. Many people hear a message but don’t understand it. It is important to work through understanding.
After a message is understood, a person needs to respond. Responding is when the listener gives feedback. This happens both verbally and non verbally, both while the person is speaking and then after they are done. Finally is remembering. This is almost as important as understanding. Remembering is your ability to recall what you have just heard. People frequently say that if you don’t remember what I told you then you were not listening to me. It is very important to remember.
Without one or all of these elements, listening will not be near as effective as is should be and could be pointless. In communication, listening is just about as important as communicating the message.

Language

Language is symbolic meaning that there is only an arbitrary connection between words and the ideas or things to which they refer. In communication, language is the key element that makes it all work. Without a common language, people would not be able to communicate as well as they do with one. I know that people can communicate without a common language it is just not as efficient. I had a kid in my art class back in high school that was from China. His English was pretty hit and miss. I had quite a few friends in this art class but of course the first day we got a seating arrangement and I got sat next to the Chinese kid. At first I wasn't very happy with this. But sitting next to him a whole semester, I became pretty good friends with him. His name is Jian Lu. Being that his English was not very good, it was kind of difficult to communicate with him. But the more time I spent around him the more ways we found to communicate with each other.
When communicating with Jian, I tried using relative language. I would ask him questions about his family and things that he did over in China. I did also ask him about school over there and sizes of his classes. But being that it was normal for his classes to have 60 kids he didn't think of them to be large. His comparisons are different then mine.

Emotions

Emotions are simply the way we feel. When talking about communication, emotions play a big part in how we communicate just by how we feel. If a person is feeling angry or upset, their communication will be affected greatly. A person who usually is a good communicator, now will either be quiet and not want to talk at all, or be so upset that they are yelling and screaming which also doesn't work to get a message across. On the other hand people that have a positive attitude and a good outlook on their day will be much more happy and easier to talk to and get positive feedback. These people will not only be happy but they will also be good communicators just because their emotions are not holding them back.
Emotions are influenced by many things. A big influence is other people and their attitude towards the day. If you are around people that are crabby and negative your outlook will change to be more like them and so will your communication. All you will have in your head will be negative thoughts so all you will want to do is complain about different things and not be happy. Now if you are around people that are in a good mood, you will be happy and in good spirits. As I said before, a positive attitude really helps out a persons communication.

Self Concept

Self Concept is described as a relatively stable set of perceptions that you hold to be true about yourself. This includes everything from your emotions, talents, dislikes, likes, values, roles and so on. It is what you see when you see yourself. A person's self concept is influenced by many different things in this world. What people say to you and about really have a big effect on what people think of themselves. If someone says something to you that those clothes look a little too small on you or no I don't really like your hair that way, this really makes a person think about it more than they should. Everyone, myself included, does not take well to criticism that attacks our looks or what people see in us. When I get a feeling like this inside, I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter what others think of me, if I like who I am and how I look then there is nothing else that matters.
Thoughts like these are positive thoughts and will boost your self esteem. A high self esteem is known to make a person's day go better and be overall more productive. If you have negative thoughts about yourself your self esteem will go down as well. When this happens your days become uneventful and a person can get in a rut and be down on them self. If ones self esteem stays low enough for long enough, depression will set in. When depression sets in its hard to get out of it without help and support by friends and family. Sometimes when it gets really bad, a specialist or doctor needs to step in to try and fix the problem.

Clear Message Format

Sometimes messages come out wrong and people take them the wrong way. For example, I was busy at work the other day and I received a phone call from my girlfriend. She was calling to see how my day was going and tell me about her day at work. I told her I was busy but would try to listen as best as I could to at least make her feel that I was not totally blowing her off. Well the more she kept talking the more I found myself not really listening at all. Just saying a lot of "Yeah." and "Uh Huhs." Being that I was so busy and had so many other distractions or noises around me this one of her talking to me was the one that began to make me a little uneasy or irritated. I finally told her hey I'm busy is there anything important you need to tell me or can I get back to work?
At the time I didn't really think about how that came out, but let me tell you when I got home I got to hear how she felt. She was very upset with me. At first I couldn't figure out why because really I wasn't listening to her earlier on in the day. She told me what I said and I tried to reassure her that that is not what I meant but the damage was already done. What I needed to say was I am busy so unless there is something that you really need to tell me, I need to focus on my work and I will call you back when I get some free time.

Communication Climate

The definition of communication is the emotional tone of a relationship. Having a good climate is key to a positive relationship. This is shaped by the perception of value of each person in the relationship. For a relationship to last and be healthy one must value and love the other individual. I have seen many relationships where one or both persons in the relationship are under stress constantly based on their home life. There are many reasons why this is unhealthy. First, the relationship will probably not be life long if one is under stress constantly. This individual will probably have a breakdown at some point and more than likely end the relationship. Another reason this is not healthy is that it can be dangerous in the work place. If a person is under stress and always thinking about what is going on at home, they are obviously not concentrating on what is going on in front of them at work and that is when people get hurt.
For a relationship to be healthy things need, for the most part, to being going smoothly with out an over amount of fighting. To receive love and value from the other person in the relationship, one must treat them how they want to be treated in return. This goes right along with the confirming aspect of communication. You need to confirm to your loved one that you do actually love them and value them for who they are. If you portray or dis confirm that you value them, the relationship will go south in a hurry.

Conflict Resolvement

Everyone deals with conflicts differently or in their own way. Some people use the avoiding tactic. This is trying to stay away from the problem so one does not have to deal with it at that moment. Another way of dealing with conflicts is accommodation. This is letting the other individual have their way in the fight for the better of the relationship. The third way of dealing with a conflict is competing. This is where both individuals believe they are right and will not back down from their side in the fight. The next tactic is compromising. This is a give and take type of way of dealing with the issue at hand. Both individuals give up something they want to receive something on the other end. The final way of dealing with a conflict, which is the best, is collaborating. This is where both individuals work to find the best resolve for the problem. They work at the problem until both persons needs are met.
I use the competing style of dealing with a conflict. I like to be right all the time. The problem in that lies with my girlfriend. She also likes to be right, a lot. We butt heads and fight till the end all the time. Neither of us want to give up. I will stand my ground in a situation until one of two things happen. One, I get my way and usually feel like crap about it because by this time my girlfriend is really upset. Or two, I finally settle for a happy medium.
Both my girlfriend and I exert all of our options while competing to be right, until we finally have to stop and find solution that both of us can live with.

Intimacy

Intimacy is different for everyone as well as have some similarities. The word intimacy refers to a familiar and very close connection with another as a result of entering deeply or closely into relationship through knowledge and experience of the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity. For a lot of people intimacy only involves the one element "physical." And for me its a big part as well, but its not the only part. I know a lot of people who make relationships only about the sex and it shows after not very long how the relationship works out. Not very well. For me relationships need to be well rounded in communication, intimacy and as well as time apart from one another to make the relationship stronger. I like to think that my intimate relationship has all four elements. Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and finally sharing activities together. I really pride myself with spending time with my loved one doing fun and exciting things together so I don't find myself in a day to day rut of a relationship that's no fun anymore. We do things as simple as renting a movie and sitting on the couch eating popcorn all the way up to taking spur of the moment weekend trips up to Canada or Wisconsin Dells or something along those lines. I find myself venting to my loved one and sharing with her everything that's on my mind from experiences that I came across throughout my day. I also find her doing the same. We have a pretty strong relationship and are doing well in life. But like all good things, there is always room for improvement and we cant turn our heads from that.

Johari Window

Self disclosure lies in the hands of each individual person. I personally disclose different amounts of information to different people. My girlfriend is one of the people I trust most, along with my parents. With these people, I will tell almost anything that I have on my mind. I know that these people will support me with any problems I am having and will give me advice when I need it. With these people, I disclose information as simple as what I had for lunch that day all the way to personal information.
Now on the other hand, people that I do not know as well, I am a bit more closed in what I bring to the table. The way I see it, these people probably do not care what I had for lunch. When I first meet someone, I talk to them and try to figure out what common interests we share so I know what to talk about and what information I feel necessary to disclose with this other individual.
Self disclosure for some people has no boundaries. I have met quite a few people who will tell you their life story the minute you meet them. This bugs me. Usually I am preoccupied and do not really care about their life story the first minute I meet someone.

Emotions

Some emotions can be easily expressed while others may be difficult. I am a typical male who does not like to share or show certain emotions. A few emotions that are difficult for me to share are: Pain, Sadness, or Sickness. I feel that if the people around me see me like one of these things they will think of me as a weak male. When I have people who care and depend on me around me a lot the last thing I want them seeing is me hurt, sick or sad. I want to be in good health, strong, and always in a good mood. I think that society makes us feel this way. Society makes us as guys feel as though it is a bad thing to show our emotions. In some ways maybe I could be a little more open with them but as I stated earlier I don't want people looking at me and thinking that I am weak. I do have an emotion that I show quite easily, and that is frustration. I tend to get frustrated and upset quite often. I feel that this is because of the amount of stress I have in life. I work full time, go to school full time, and have a girlfriend that I live with. This doesn't sound too terrible. And its not... I make it more stressful than it needs to be and therefore get frustrated when I don't get enough time to myself. This is something that I need to work on. I need to create more time for myself so I do not get the feeling of overwhelming stress and frustration so much. I think having more time to myself will eliminate some of that stress and overall make it easier on those around me who have to deal with this frustration.

7 Core Competencies

I believe that I have two strong points in communication. The first is that I like to feel that I hold up my end of a conversation well. When I am talking to someone, I like to feel that they are listening to me and that they care about what I am talking about. If someone gets the feeling that I am not listening to them when they are talking to me, I would hope that they would let me know because I hate the feeling. The second strong point I feel I have is honesty in my communication. I tell it like it is. I do not like to lie and tell someone something that is not true or if it is not how I really feel.

I am only human and do feel that I have a couple of weak points. The first is tactfulness. I sometimes phrase things in the wrong way and they come off as blunt or disrespectful. I do not mean to be hurtful or disrespectful when I talk it just comes off that way. My second weak point is behavior flexibility. I find myself talking to my girlfriend the same way I would talk to one of my buddies or a person from work. This sometimes gets me in trouble because again I come off as a bit harsh.

1st Time

Well I've never blogged before or really paid any attention to it when I heard the word "blog." But now that it is required I thought I should try it out and see how it works?